If this quarantine is STRAINING your relationship, this article is for you!
No matter how good (or bad) your relationship is, going through a quarantine with your some special will take it to a whole nother level. It will certainly put even the strongest of relationships to the test and bring the weakest ones to the point of no return. So here at Love’s top 10, we thought we’d do our part to help by putting together a series called “Couples in Quarantine” to help you navigate through this tough time.
Can you get through this? Yes, absolutely. Will you get through it and still be a couple? Let’s hope. If the relationship was hanging on by a thread, this time will certainly either give you the time you need to make it stronger, give you the distance apart to make it better, or be the last straw that broke the camels back.
This is better than you thought!
Have you ever spent a couple months getting to know someone, just to make sure the were someone you wanted to invest your time in, just to find out it is a bust? You weren’t even 100% sure you were ready for a relationship, but wham bam here this is right in front of you. I’m sure there are many of you out there that just started getting to know someone or maybe even just started dating someone. This is the perfect time for you to really get to know the person and find out if out if you are ready for a relationship in the first place.
“I’m feeling you, I just don’t think I’m ready” – “It’s all good love, I’ll be here when you are”
Wouldn’t it be nice if that was the conversation. Unfortunately when one or both of you aren’t ready for a relationship, emotions are running wild, tension is high and patience is lost. So the conversation looks more like:
“What is wrong with you? Why are you acting like this? Where is the old you?”
“I don’t know, I like you, just not feeling it. I’m not ready, I don’t want it”
“So you want to break up or you want me to just sit here while you figure things out?”
” No, you do you while I figure things out. I’m not ready”
“How long is that going to take?”
“I don’t know, I’m ready when I’m ready”
Obviously nobody wants to get there, it doesn’t feel good to either person. Each person at some point invested and now they are both at a realization that they may have lost something. Nobody likes to lose. Some of us want to give that last drop until we absolutely know it’s a wrap even though the writing has been on the wall. The truth is it may have been them, maybe you, or a combination of both. Something you can do that will make a HUGE difference in your outlook, is to analyze if you are ready for a relationship. Of course we did the research for you, and came up with the Love’s Top 10 (and then some) ways to know if you’re ready for a relationship.
Doing everything right doesn’t matter.
Of course this is a no brainer, but it’s also worth reminding you. You can absolutely be the best you could ever be, and it won’t matter because the person isn’t on the same page as you. They could want to be, they could dream about being there. But if they aren’t ready, you put yourself out there, and give all of you, you’re just setting yourself up for a pretty big fall.
1 You will be as good as you can, as often as you can.
I was going to say “you’re ready to do your best for someone, every day” but let’s be realistic — we are all human and we all have good days and bad days. We can only give so much and sometimes need to be supported ourselves.
What’s important here is that you’re ready to put solid, consistent effort into your partner, your relationship, and even developing yourself. If you’re not ready to do that, then it’s best to not commit to someone who would do it for you (yet).
2 You’ll put someone else’s interests ahead of your own.
There is compromise and sacrifice in every relationship. This could mean anything from watching a type of movie you don’t like, to moving to a new city or state for the one you love. The bottom line is, in a happy, healthy relationship — your partner’s happiness is just as important as your own.
Your willingness to put them first at times is a signal of your readiness to commit.
3 You understand the importance of communication.
Communication is the backbone of a relationship in terms of keeping both partners feeling heard and understood. Nobody can read your mind, nor should they expect you to try to read theirs. Being able to openly and honestly communicate with the person you’re committed to can make or break your relationship.
4 You’ve got some semblance of a path in life.
It’s difficult to plan a future with someone who has no future plans for themselves. Things change and life throws curveballs at us — nobody can be expected to have it all figured out, but giving it a try is a good start.
5 You can let the little things slide.
No matter how well two people get along, odds are you will not like every. single. little. thing. about the other person. There may be small quirks that you’ve got to accept (and maybe ignore). If you get annoyed by everything they do, it will cause unnecessary tension in the relationship.
6 You’re ready to accept someone as they are.
You can’t enter into a relationship with the hopes of molding someone into who you want them to be. It’s important to note that in a healthy relationship, both partners will motivate each other to become the best versions of themselves — this is not the same as trying to change someone’s nature.
Happiness comes from the ability to be honest, and the ability to be honest comes from being able to open up to someone without being judged.
7 You don’t look for someone to complete you.
You, right now, are a whole complete person. If you think you need to be in a relationship in order to be “complete,” you will always be looking for something you can never find. True fulfillment and satisfaction comes from within, and you cannot fully, effectively give yourself to someone until you’ve found it.
You don’t need someone to complete you, only someone to accept you completely.
8 You are happy being single.
If you’re not happy being single, you won’t be happy in a relationship. As said in the point above, true happiness comes from within. Single is simply a word to describe someone who is strong enough to live their life by themselves until the right person comes along to share it with.
If you’re constantly searching for a relationship out of loneliness, you will find yourself with the first person who comes along that is interested in you. We all need to have the dignity and self-respect to only commit ourselves to those who deserve it, and the only way to be able to wait for that is to be happy before they come along.
9 Your ex is no longer a factor.
We all have a past, and the new person in our life needs to be able to accept that. But, we also have to accept that about ourselves, and be able to leave it in the past. Obviously this is not cut and dry if there are children involved or other mutual commitments independent of the relationship.
I understand that in some rare occasions people stay friendly with their exes or maybe even spend time together, but in most situations, in order to truly move on we need to spend time completely cut off from them. No communication, no time together, nothing.
Until you are completely over your ex and can give your full time and attention to someone new, it is better not to commit.
10 You are ready to blend your life into someone else’s.
While a relationship cannot be your entire life, it does permeate its entirety. You become connected with their friends, families, hobbies, pets, living situations… and they become connected with yours.
Sure, some privacy is important, but your willingness to fully accept someone into your life and routines is what will let the other person know you truly care and are ready to make a commitment to them. They will become your teammate in taking on life together. You will be building bridges between your lives rather than walls.
11 You’re Doing It For The Right Reasons
Why do you want to be in a relationship? Is it just because your friends are? Or you’re scared of being single? If you answered yes, then it’s a good idea to be single a little longer.
“I think being single is an exercise that every person should go through at some point in their adult life. It is a time that gives us the distance and clarity that we need to get to know who we truly are as a person, and to firmly define what it is that we want in a future partner,” Martinez says.
12 You’re Not Rebounding
If you’re coming off of a relationship, you’re likely not ready to get into another one. How long should you wait? “How ever long you need to work through the anger or sadness,” Janet Zinn, a New York City–based couples therapist, says. “That way, it’s not a rebound or reactionary date scenario.” The time will be different for everyone, but make sure you leave it long enough to heal and move on.
13 You’re OK With Who You Are
The strongest foundation for getting into a relationship is being settled with who you are as a person. “If someone isn’t at peace with who they are, they won’t be able to give a relationship their all,” dating expert and matchmaker Sarah Patt says. “Loving yourself is an important piece of the puzzle when it comes to connecting with the right person.”
14 You’re Ready To Focus On One Person
If you’re going to get into a relationship, unless you’re poly, it’s important to be happy focusing on one person.
How do you know if you’re possibly being too picky? “Who you’re with is never good enough or they aren’t the whole package for you,” Psychologist Nikki Martinez says. If this rings true, that’s OK — you may not be there yet. You may want to take some more time for yourself for now.
More important than some sort of “checklist” though, is something nobody else can ever tell you — how you feel inside. I believe when we reach the right phase in life or come across the right person, we will know we are ready to leave the single life behind and build a life alongside them.
But, until that person comes along, it’s important to work on ourselves and define our own happiness which we can then share with them.
When you are ready, you will know.