If this quarantine is STRAINING your relationship, this article is for you!
No matter how good (or bad) your relationship is, going through a quarantine with your some special will take it to a whole nother level. It will certainly put even the strongest of relationships to the test and bring the weakest ones to the point of no return. Here at Love’s top 10, we thought we’d do our part to help by putting together a series called “Couples in Quarantine” to help you navigate through this tough time. We hope you enjoy, Couples in Quarantine – Top 10 Tips For Relationship Survival.
Can you get through this? Yes, absolutely. Will you get through it and still be a couple? Let’s hope. If the relationship was hanging on by a thread, this time will certainly either give you the time you need to make it stronger, give you the distance apart to make it better, or be the last straw that broke the camel’s back.
Couples in Quarantine
Top 10 Tips For Relationship Survival
1 Give yourself space.
If you’re like me, especially when you have kids at home, you understand the value of having some room to breath is important. Everyone is under some form of stress right now. Whether it is school, family, work, financial or even just the routine to have the freedom to move around has all been rocked right now. You need to give yourself the chance to reboot and breathe. According to Dr. Sherrie Bourg Carter from Psychology Today (you should check out her article), the benefits from spending some time alone are critical, especially during times like this, in improving not only your relationships with others, but your relationship with you. She insists that solitude allows you to reboot your brain and unwind. Time to yourself also provides time for you to think deeply helps you work through problems more effectively. I know it seems like it can’t be done, again especially if you have kids. However set aside 30 minutes, no matter how early or late, that is just your time. Go for a walk, take a hot bath, work on a project, write in a journal, listen to a (Love’s Top 10) podcast, read a (Love’s Top 10) book, or anything else, just as long as it’s just you. (forgive me for the shameless plugs)
2 Give your partner (and or kid/s) space
Piggybacking on the previous step. Not only do you need time, your partner and or kids need time for the exact same reasons. I know in some places around the country it may be a lot easier than others. But everyone needs a chance to have some breathing room so the relationships don’t strain and take a hit.
3 Communication 101
There is no other time that communication will be more important than when you are essentially locked up or away from your special someone for a couple months. You have to realize that this situation maybe more or less stressful to the other person you. But we all will be losing something in the next couple months so take these communication tips and run with them. Probably the most important on the Couples in Quarantine – Top 10 Tips For Relationship Survival list.
- Be honest – Now isn’t the time to play games and be dishonest about anything big or small.
- Be mindful – How this is effecting you may not be how it is effecting them. So listen to what their concerns or needs are.
- Listen to understand – Practice being a good listener, Be an engaged listener with no judgement when your partner is expressing themselves.
- Body language – Body language and facial expressions can sometimes tell a different story. Pay attention to what your sending out and what they are sending in.
- Provide POSITIVE feedback – Now isn’t the time to tit for tat or stress over the little things. Let some things slide and focus on being supportive. It much easier to be positive to someone when you feel they are being positive with you.
4 Work from different areas (and times) of the house.
Let’s just put this in perspective. If We have to be in the same house, all day, we are going to be spending the vast majority of time together anyway. allow your partner and yourself the ability to focus on what they need to get done. That way their stress won’t turn your direction if they can’t focus. If it’s possible, while you work, let them have alone time and vice versa.
5 Pick up the slack.
Yes of course we’d all like relationships to be 50-50, but anyone who’s been in a real relationship knows there are times when it feels like it’s 80-20. So this is one of those times that instead of getting on your partner, just pick up the slack. Or if you are sensing your partner is going through a rough patch, don’t wait for them to ask, just ask “What can I do to help?” Or even better, just do something that to show that you have their back. I can not stress this enough, while all of the items on Couples in Quarantine – Top 10 Tips For Relationship Survival are important, picking up the slack show’s our partner so many things. It shows you pay attention, you care, you are in it and most importantly you got their back.
6 Play games.
Finding ways to pass time can be a daunting task in the days of social media and Netflix. But find games, no matter what they are, that you and your partner can play that will take your mind off of the situation and enhance your time together. Yes games are fun, but they also make you laugh, get united as a team against something else. A reader recently wrote me telling me he was passing time working out and playing X box games with his girlfriend. The working out was for her and the X box games were for him, but it works and they’re having fun.
7 Keep in touch with the outside world.
Unfortunately, during this time, it’s not possible (well, possible but very, very ill advised — PLEASE don’t do it unless absolutely necessary) to go out and see other friends and family members. The whole point of social distancing is to avoid the spreading of germs, and that only works when we all stay home. But, thanks to technology, there are plenty of other ways to communicate with others. Don’t neglect relationships with friends and loved ones who are not your partner.
“Making sure that you have one to two calls, minimum, per day with other people is helpful to your mental health and overall sanity and connection,” Wright says. “Schedule video chats or phone calls with at least one friend or family member per day. It’s important to maintain your other relationships, even while you’re primarily with your partner.”
8 Have a date.
Believe me, again with children I know it can be even more difficult but, having some form of a date is critical. Time that is just for you and your other is PARAMOUNT to getting through the quarantine as unscathed as possible. Whether it’s doing something halfway romantic like giving each other massages or doing the Netflix and Chill, but do something together that doesn’t involve anything but you and them.
9 Be more Conscious.
Everyone is going to react to this new life adjustment differently. Some may need more affection (kisses, hugs, reassurance) and some may need more space (distance and time to wrap their head around the situation). If you care about your relationship, be mindful of your partners actions so you can anticipate their needs.
10 Find a positive routine that works for everyone.
At the end of the day, you need to be as happy and whole as possible so you can give that to others. So communicate with those close to you and figure out a routine that works well for your situation. The entire Couples in Quarantine – Top 10 Tips For Relationship Survival is full of tips that if you put into use, will help your relationship grow through this time period.
Things to remember – Everything will be ok.
This quarantine is temporary and it will pass. Don’t do anything or say anything that makes your relationship temporary also. Use this time to do things you’ve wanted to do. I know it may sound ridiculous when you are stressing about other things that aren’t in your control or you have kids bouncing off the walls. So control what you can, which is you. Create a routine that works for you and yours. It may take a month to find that routine, but keep tweaking it until it’s right for you.
What are the things that you really like that your partner does? Make you laugh, cook, clean, cuddle, massage, sex? I really love it when my partner _______! When times are getting tough, tell your partner you need more of whatever you filled in the blank. You can also flip it and anticipate what your partner would fill in the blank and you try and just do more of.
In the end of this, everything is going to be OK both outside and inside of the home. We might have to put in a little elbow grease, but let’s make it shine.
We hope this helped. If you have additional questions or other ideas on how to tackle this subject, please leave your feedback below.
Not sure if you are ready to be in a relationship yet? Check out our article “When You’re Ready”
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