This is one of the most difficult questions to answer because there are so many variables, so many moving parts. Mixed signals can cause chaos. Have you ever been in a busy intersection where the lights weren’t working. Everyone gets stressed out as they approach the intersection because nobody knows who is supposed to go first. They use extra caution and go slow because there is no signal. So I’ll start off by saying that each situation is different. How did you break up? How long you were together before you broke up? What kind of relationship you had before the breakup? Why you broke up?Whether or not you both are mature? What kind of relationship you had before you got together? How long have you been apart? I mean the list goes on and on with many possible scenarios, but I will try and give you the best ways to move forward in the most likely of situations.
Why is my ex sending me mixed signals?
- Maybe your ex is confused themselves on what they want.
- Maybe your ex misses you and or the routine of being with you.
- Maybe your ex is trying to test you.
- Maybe your ex is in a rebound phase of another relationship and ping ponging back and forth.
- Maybe they are just playing emotional games with you.
- Maybe you are just reading it wrong (wishful thinking).
No matter what scenario applies to you, you should feel good your ex is at least sending you some signals. On the radar is better than off the radar. However this is the time to step up your game and get serious about what you are going to do. Your next move could not only sink any shot that you had at getting back together (if that was in the future) but could also break down any progress you have made in healing from the wound of a broken heart. I know that, especially when there are deep feelings involved, when an ex plays games with your mind by sending you mixed signals, it can be more brutal than the original breakup.
When your ex sends you mixed signals it is good for you almost regardless of the circumstance. What your ex has done is concede the fact that they still have feelings, and are possibly insecure or uneasy about the break-up in the first place. So you should feel good about the fact that you are still on their radar. But DO NOT LET THEM TAKE YOU OFF COURSE! If you haven’t read our post, She says she needs space, here’s what you do! This would be a good time to go read it. In that article the key sentence is, “Step back, reflect, find your truth, make a plan, and move forward.” So if you have done that, and enough time has transpired so you don’t end up in a break up cycle, then keep reading.
Stick with the original plan of giving each other space.
Believe me, I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear right now. Sure, I could say go for it, full court press, and you’ll end up running through the fields of love, holding hands happily ever after. But that’s not a good idea when your ex sends you mixed signals. You want a full green light, not a yellow light. Let’s say you are going on a roller coaster ride at Six Flags (I’m not getting on), and the operator walks by to check if your seatbelt is on properly. He looks at it and says, “You know, I think it might hold you in, but I’m not quite sure.” How safe are you going to feel? I don’t like roller coasters in the first place, so I’m going to get up and get into a seat where the seatbelt works 100%. Love and relationships, like a roller coaster, already comes with enough built in ups and downs. You don’t need to make the ride scarier by not knowing what you’re dealing with. So, just stay cool and stay the course of having some space and time to yourself. That way there won’t be any confusion, mixed signals, or more hurt feelings.
Why should I fall back (continue to give space and wait for a clear green signal instead of mixed signal)?
Let’s say that, again, you have gone through the process that is laid out for you in our post: She says she needs space, here’s what you do! Let’s say that you have gone through the process of stepping back, reflecting, finding your truth, making a plan, and moving forward. I can’t stress enough the importance of taking the time to complete each step, in order to have a healthy relationship moving forward. Anyway, let’s say you’re in Las Vegas and there a game where you could bet $10,000 for a chance to win $1000 and you only had 50% odds in winning, would you play it? I live in Las Vegas and see plenty of looney things, but I don’t think anyone would play that game. A mixed signal means you don’t have 100% chance to make things work. Not only that, even if you are ready to give 100% and they are wishy washy, that’s like betting $10000 and only being able to get back $1000. Just try and be cool, stay back, continue to focus on you, and wait for the signal to turn green.
Mixed signal Do’s and Don’ts?
- Don’t complain about the mixed signals. At least you’re getting signals and complaining could push them away.
- Don’t get all emotional and lame in front of them. (You want them excited to see you, not bored and wondering why they did see you)
- Don’t, absolutely do not, cry in front of them about it.
- Don’t buy them things. (Guys flowers, chocolate’s, coffee in the morning, gifts, anything. You don’t want to buy her back, and, of course she might do the same thing in the future because you were so generous).
- Don’t ask them if they want to get back together.
- Don’t beg.
- Don’t be weak.
- Don’t lowkey start stalking their social media.
- Do stay focused on yourself.
- Do keep it light.
- Do be calm, casual, and confident.
- Do keep it moving.
Things to remember – Whatever is Whatever.
These mixed signals you are getting are great because it means your ex is still thinking about you in a positive way, at least partially. Being on their radar is better than being off. However, you want a clear signal. You don’t want to start a break-up cycle where the other person asks for space, you give it. Things are ok for a few days and then back to the mixed signals, someone needing space, and then someone getting hurt. Stay focused on you. Continue to shine and everyone will notice. If you get yourself together, you are closer to finding the relationship that you want and deserve, no matter whether it’s with your ex or someone else. There is light at the end of the tunnel, we just don’t know who’s holding it. Remember there is someone for everyone, I see it every time I go to Walmart.
We hope this helped. If you have additional questions or other ideas on how to tackle this subject, please leave your feedback below.
Where can I purchase these books? Love your content!!
Hi Jennifer, the best way to be notified when the pre-ordering starts and new content is released is to join the mailing list. Thanks for the question!
This is a very interesting site. Keep up the intriguing work! I appreciate the message of love being spread. Furthermore I appreciate the real vibe that is given off through this content.
This article spoke to me seriously. Almost exactly how parts of my last relationship went and things I should have known then
Thank you for this. I really wanted to stop stressing over what it could be causing him to reach back out to me, but it’s most important to not be weak and stay focused on myself during this time
The first thing I do is delete an ex why keep them around.
Depends on the reason you broke up. Sometimes a career move, you may leave the state and just can’t do long distance. Every situation is different
Exes should stay exes and if they want you back, who cares!?
I’m having a hard time with my new boyfriend understanding my relationship with my ex. Do you think that if you share children it’s important to be there for for your ex? Both guys arent understanding the boundaries of maybe I’m not
This article really helped me to stop focusing so much on HIM and made me actually realize why DO I need to bank on these what if signals he’s sending me… How about what if I put all of that energy into MYSELF and what I actually want. Which is security.. not a maybe
Always make sure that you take care of yourself first so you can take care of others.
Any advice on how to deal with mutual friends after a breakup and deciding which one to choose?
I’m not sending my ex mixed signals I just still want his friendship, he’s convinced its something more, I don’t want to hurt his feelings I have moved on. I don’t want to tell him because I don’t think he can handle it
I was just talking about this very subject and so this is so crazy! What a confirmation!! I am very much looking forward to reading these other posts!! Are these books on Amazon for purchase?
Do you have any advice on what to do when a TOXIC ex won’t leave your life and goes as far as to apply for a job at your workplace and gets hired!!?? I have to see him every single day and he tries to flirt with other girls in efforts to make me jealous but I really just want him to go away!!!