In your mind everything was going smooth, or maybe you’re in the middle of a rough patch and out of the blue, she says she needs space! Ouch! Your first reaction is, “what just happened?” For the most part there are really only two types of reactions in this scenario. Maybe you are like, yeah I get it, for whatever reason things aren’t connecting right now so let’s step back. Or maybe you’re confused, hurt, maybe a little disoriented, anxiety hits with the overwhelming thought of “I can’t lose her, what can I do to fix this now!” In this post we are going to look at a few reasons she said she needed space and what you should do moving forward.
Why did she say she wants space in the first place?
- Maybe she cares for you and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, but she just doesn’t see a future with you. So rather than saying, “we need to break up”, she’s using the, “I need some space” as the method to break up.
- Maybe she cares for you but is just not happy with the circumstances and wants to put you on notice. You haven’t been paying attention to the clues about her unhappiness. So if she’s worth it, you better change some things and get on the same page or a break up is eminent.
- Maybe she is going through a personal circumstances and being with you right now only complicates things more for her.
- Maybe she wants you to fight for her or put in more effort than you are putting in.
- Maybe she is just playing emotional games with you.
- Maybe she just wants the space to date other people.
- Maybe she just wants some space.
This will be a tough paragraph for some to get through, but it’s the truth. After years and years of studying relationships, watching relationships, and personal experience, if someone says they want space, who cares why they said it, just give it to them. I cringe every time I go online and read or watch the “experts” tell you how to get your girl back if she wants space. How to win your girl back. What your girl is thinking during no contact? Does no contact work? What do I do when she wants space? I mean the list goes on and it’s the same answer, GIVE HER SOME SPACE! Yes it sucks, yes it is going to be tough especially if you are good friends and shared a lot, yes you might be miserable, yes it might jam you up like you’ve never been jammed up before, but give her space if you want any shot at all of getting things back on track.
Why give her space even if you don’t want to?
- If you can’t do what she asks, then you are showing you don’t respect her feelings and what she wants.
- If you can’t give her space, even for a few days, then you show her you have no self control. Women like a strong man, so you better find some strength.
- If you do not give her space, you will just push her away. I’ve used this example before. Maybe your relationship has been pushed to the edge and she is asking for space so things can get back on track. Don’t then smother her and push her over the edge. If the relationship is at the edge, you might be able to recover, however over the edge is well, over the edge.
- If she asked for space and she comes back, you know she really cares about you and wants it to work out.
- If you give her space, you give her a chance to miss you. Space and time gives her, and you, a chance to reflect on the connection you share. Here’s an example: Let’s say your connection with her is really great. When you go out, you are the couple that is always laughing and having a good time while other couples look like they are in the dentist office waiting for a root canal, let her miss that. She will miss it and she will miss you.
What does space even look like? What do I do now?
- No space isn’t the final frontier, it’s leaving her alone, no contact. No text messages, no emails, no calls, no “my bad didn’t mean to text you”, no “sorry that was a butt dial”, no social media stalking (no liking posts), no talking to friends or family trying to slide in, it means give her space.
- The absolute hardest, yet most essential thing you can do, is stop thinking about her and think about you, full stop. “She’s talking to other guys,” who cares. “I can’t believe she’s ignoring me,” who cares. “She’s going out all the time,” who cares. You have to do you and she has to do her so you both can see if there can be a we again. I know that’s so much easier said than done, but keep reading.
- During this period of giving each other space, use it wisely. Use this time to step back and get your feelings in check. Reflect on where YOU are at in life, what flaws you might have and where you want to be. If she has been complaining about your drinking or eating for a while and you really don’t want to do anything about it, then it won’t ever work. Find your truth, no matter what it looks like. Make a plan for YOU and move forward.
How long should I give her space? How long should I do no contact?
- There is no magical formula for these questions. As much as I believe in behavioral driven data, as much as I know you want to hear 3-5 days, or a week, or 30 days, the best answer is as long as it takes YOU, yes you. As long as it takes you to step back, reflect, find your truth, make a plan, and move forward. And that is going to take some time.
I know it may suck, hurt, be painful, and even frustrating, but this could be the best thing for you. Think of it as you getting space to really figure things out. Because, barring some extreme life circumstances like the passing of a family member, a health related issue or something else drastic that she is going through right now, there’s something going on with you two and her ability to see a future with you. So explore the relationship and look deep inside to reveal your shortcomings and places where you can self improve. And you have to do the work if you want to have a chance at getting her back.
Quick tips to remember if you want any shot at getting her back (any shot at all).
- She wants space for whatever reason, give it to her.
- Don’t bang her line, don’t lowkey stalk her on social media or with friends, just give her space.
- Don’t give her any pressure. Have you ever been to a used car lot and the salesperson just is on you like white on rice? Won’t let you make a move without opening his mouth to say something? It turns you off and makes you want to leave. Don’t be a used car salesperson about it.
- Utilize the time to step back, reflect, find your truth, make a plan, and move forward. (Who knows, the plan may or may not include her.)
- Utilize the time to get yourself together. Don’t slide backwards and do things that would damage your shot to get back together.
Things to remember – Whatever is Whatever.
First and foremost, whatever is going to happen is going to happen. This space will just expedite the process and is actually an efficient way to move the relationship quickly to wherever it is going to land. If she asks for space and you act like an insecure goof, say goodbye. If you act like a clown and start going to bars and clubs and get with other women, say goodbye just like if she did it to you. Take the time to get yourself together because, best case scenario she wants to see a change in something, worst case scenario, she doesn’t care what happens. However, if you get yourself together, you are closer to finding the relationship that you want and deserve no matter whether it’s with her or someone else. Remember there is someone for everyone, I see it every time I go to Walmart.
We hope this helped. If you have additional questions or other ideas on how to tackle this subject, please leave your feedback below.