We all will go through this excruciating process at one point or another in our lives. The dreaded breakup. Whew, the pain can be hurtful and unrelenting. I wish there was a magic potion I could give you that could alleviate the heartache, unfortunately there isn’t. But if you keep reading, I’m going to share some proven ways to help you move forward with the least amount of heartache possible.
First 24-48 hours: You Have a Broken Relationship, Accept It.
Let’s just get this out the way, breakups suck! Without a doubt, the first 24-48 hours after a breakup can be the most agonizing time a person can go through. Unfortunately there isn’t much you can do to avoid the initial barrage of emotions that are headed your way during this part of the recovery process. The immediate aftermath of a breakup can leave you hurt, confused, in dismay, and really just not feeling good at all.
It’s not productive, will slow down your ability to move forward, and cause more pain if you don’t accept that you and your partner are no longer together.
At this point the best thing you can do is accept it. You have a broken relationship, accept that this is your new reality, rather than emotionally contesting it. These are your new circumstances whether you like it or not. This particular chapter in your book is over and you are writing a new one. You can’t write the new chapter in your life until you have finished writing the old one. The sooner you recognize, acknowledge, and accept it, the sooner you will be able to move forward and breathe easier.
Let Your Emotions Hang Out.
I remember having my heart broken when I was around 14, puppy love. I was a wreck and my grandmother told me, “Baby you go take a hot shower, and let all those cold tears run down that drain. You’ll come out a new little man.” I couldn’t agree more. If you need to shed a few tears, do it. If you need to take a day to be by yourself and just let your emotions hang out with nobody else around, if that will help you in accepting the breakup, then do it.
A few key things to remember during the initial phase of the breakup is just let your ex partner be. As a matter of fact, avoid all contact and communication if at all possible. No matter what, avoid breaking down or getting emotional in front of them. Most people try and talk to the ex and try to find out why, or what they did wrong, or even get closure – which is not the right thing to do, especially right after a break up.
The best move forward right after a breakup is for you and your ex to go different directions while you take a step back and get your emotions under control.
Where Do I Go From Here? Self Assess and Action Plan.
During the first 24-48 hours, after you have gotten your emotions together a bit, the next thing you have to do is self assess. I can’t express how important and even critical this step is in creating a positive future for yourself. If you haven’t read our article, ‘The Most Important Gift I Can Give You‘, that is a must read for you. I understand there are 2 sides of this equation. You could be the one who initiated the breakup, or the one who was on the receiving end of the breakup. If you are the one that initiated the breakup, you have already had time to process the breakup and are already moving on. If you were on the receiving end of the breakup, then one of the first things you need to do is assess yourself and create an action plan so you can move forward. No matter whether you, while in that process, decide you want to work on yourself for yourself or improve on the qualities that were lacking which created the breakup, it’s time for self reflection and some healing.
Dealing With An Ex And A Broken Relationship.
That’s a tough spot, having a new ex and a broken relationship. It’s certainly not pleasant, at this point, however, your commitment needs to be to yourself rather than your ex. No matter if you are going to move ahead and develop a new relationship at some point, or try and repair your broken relationship, your commitment needs to be to yourself, because that’s the only person committed to you right now.
It’s best to avoid communication with your ex for at least a couple of weeks. Avoid contact, games, confrontations at all costs. Those just lead to arguments, bitterness, anger, and resentment – which isn’t good for you or your ex. At this point, the only pain you’re really going to inflict is on yourself. Remember, your ex has already been thinking about this long before they brought the breakup to you. So they are already much further along in the recovery process and may have already have moved on, and that’s OK. Let’s just get you OK as well.
If your ex tries to contact you, as hard as it may be, just politely brush them off until (and if) you are ready to communicate positively.
Quick Tips To Stop The Bleeding!
You need to be able to start the healing process, and it’s difficult when you feel like your heart is bleeding. These tips will help minimize the emotional pain you are feeling and help you move forward, I promise.
- Lean on friends and family. Being social is one of the best ways to get through this rough patch. Hanging out with friends and family during this time can lighten the heavy heart, trust me.
- Don’t be alone. It’s easy to want to be alone and reminisce or dwell. However during the first week especially, it’s important to keep your mind engaged and not on the issue that’s causing you pain.
- Take down reminders of your ex. Whether it be gifts, pics, or special reminders of your ex and the special times you shared, take down all the visible reminders. Those reminders will just stall your healing process.
- Develop or maintain healthy habits. Scientists have discovered long ago that regular exercise releases natural endorphins that reduce your perception of pain. Not only can it reduce depression, but it also just makes you feel better about yourself.
- Don’t develop bad habits to numb the pain. Going out drinking or hooking up with people will just create more problems in the long run, especially if you want to repair your relationship with your ex. So steer clear of creating bad habits that only bring bad consequences to you later.
- Change your routine. Don’t do things you and your ex used to do, which will make you just dwell on your ex. No matter what it is, creating your own new routine will help you move past the missing feelings and towards the making new feelings.
- Skip the love songs for now. Nothing worse than going through a breakup listening to songs about love. Give yourself a temporary break from the love songs so you can stay focused on getting stronger and healing your broken heart.
Things to remember – If it is real and it’s right, everything will be OK.
The old chapter, the one that is over now, is the broken relationship. Your new chapter is being written right now. Your plan of action and what you do from this point is all up to you. Whether you are going to try and repair your broken relationship after you have assessed yourself and found the relationship is worth salvaging – sometimes this is a great way to go – or develop a new relationship, it’s all up to you. But getting through the first rough patch will be a lot easier if you follow the tips listed above.
Be patient because, if it is real and it’s right, everything will be ok.Stay focused on you. Continue to shine and everyone will notice. If you get yourself together, you are closer to finding the relationship that you want and deserve, no matter whether it’s with your ex or someone else. There is light at the end of the tunnel, we just don’t know who’s holding it. Remember there is someone for everyone, I see it every time I go to Walmart.
We hope this helped. If you have additional questions or other ideas on how to tackle this subject, please leave your feedback below.
I love this so much. It really made me smile actually thinking about the love songs and torture we put ourselves through for no reason after a breakup! I don’t know what it is about crying to sad love songs because that has never cheered me up, but definitely releasing the tears and letting them out is important but after that – Acceptance.
I’m having a hard time breaking it to my girlfriend that I want to split up. Reason being is there are children involved. Any advice on an easy breakup without hurting her kids? We don’t share children but she has 2 daughters that I’m pretty close to.
I know a lot of my friends that can use this advice right now. People are exes for a reason and depending on how serious that breakup was you should never go back to communicate with a manipulative, abusive, low life and ruin living your best life.