There are so many great gifts one person could give another. Depending where you are on the emotional scale right now, the greatest gift to you could be anything from a truck full of money, the gift of love or even a bible. However, my gift to you is much simpler and much more practical. Actually, it’s something you already possess. So technically, my gift is a reminder. Evaluate, size up, analyze, those are all essentially the same as assessment. One of the most important tools we have in life, and often under utilized when needed,  is the ability to assess and navigate a situation.

This isn’t new to us. We’ve been doing it since we were young. Walking across the street, yes, the most basic of functions we learned as a child, which even has a built-in catch phrase, “look both ways”. That’s all about assessment. You assessed what time you needed to set your alarm for in the morning so you could get up, get ready and make it to work on time. I’m sure you also assessed how many times you could hit the snooze button before you actually, “really”, had to get up so you could get ready and make it to work on time. And while this is not a new characteristic, when it comes to relationships, more often then not we seem to throw it out the window.

At our core, we all want three C’s out of ANY relationship we have. Out of every single relationship you have, you want/need Communication, Connection, and Commitment. I know it sounds crazy but yes every functional relationship you have contains those three C’s (characteristics). Whether this is a friendship, family member or partner, you always need the 3 C’s for a functional relationship.

Why is self assessment so important? 

• Gives you a moment to reflect on where you are at emotionally in life
• Gives you a moment to reflect on where you are physically, professionally, financially
• Gives you a moment to reflect on where you are socially
• Gives you a chance to reflect on where you are in respect to achieving your family/personal goals
• Gives you a chance to see what you need to improve on

No matter what scenario, either dating, single, or married, assessment is a critical part of your life and your happiness. Assessing where you are, how you feel, whether you are heading towards a bigger goal of happiness, or whether you are going backwards from where you want to be. Those can all be answered if you take the time to assess where you are at in this current moment.

White down your own assessment. 

Believe me, I know this might sound like a lot of work, but if you think about it, writing down your own assessment of yourself, putting it in black and white will help change how you move forward. If you go to a Dr. because your body isn’t quite feeling right, the doc writes down your assessment on a clipboard so they can go back and read the information and evaluate what is the best way to move forward. There is no difference. If you write it down so it’s in black and white, you have to own it. Once you own it, you can make a plan to adjust it however you want to, but put the action plan in black and white also. That way there is a clear description of where you are and where you want to go.

How do I write a self assessment?

Everyone has their own style of writing, so stick with that, but I would say make sure you include the following so it can be clear for you to go back and check on from time to time:

• What are my positive qualities?
• What are my negative qualities?
• What do I want emotionally from myself?
• What do I want physically for myself?
• What are my strengths?
• What are my weaknesses?
• Am I a good partner?
• What gives me mental satisfaction?
• Am I happy with myself?
• Am I emotionally available?
• How do I handle tough days?
• How do I communicate when I am not happy?
• How do I communicate when I am happy?
• Am I confident?
• Am I selfish?
• Am I selfless?
• Do I like my job?
• Describe yourself in writing.

Things to remember – Everything will be ok.

Writing down your own assessment is a great way to organize your thoughts and feelings especially when there’s a lot going on in your life. Take some time to yourself and finish your assessment. Remember nobody knows you better than you. This is not only a central part of life but a critical part of you achieving happiness. Once you have completed the self assessment read our article “Now What”.

Developing a connection takes time, it surely doesn’t happen overnight. Be patient because, if it is real and it’s right, everything will be ok. Stay focused on you. Continue to shine and everyone will notice.  If you get yourself together, you are closer to finding the relationship that you want and deserve, no matter whether it’s with your ex or someone else. There is light at the end of the tunnel, we just don’t know who’s holding it. Remember there is someone for everyone, I see it every time I go to Walmart.

We hope this helped. If you have additional questions or other ideas on how to tackle this subject, please leave your feedback below.