There is a lot of valuable information on this website to help you either navigate through a broken relationship, finding a new relationship, and much more. This article is no different because creating and understanding a connection that you share with a person is so critical to a happy life. We often take for granted the connections we share with others. Having a great connection, or feeling connected to someone is a physiological necessity for us. We want and need to be connected. So in this article we will cover the basics of understanding the value of a real connection, and how to develop a deeper connection.
Be Ready For A Great Connection.
I recently had a client that was going through what he considered to be a pause in his relationship. He explained that he had this incredible connection with his partner. Their chemistry was amazing in every aspect. They could talk for hours and it felt like minutes. They would literally spend hours on the phone like teenagers and he thought she was the one. When they spent time together, there was never enough because the time always flew by. They shared what seemed to be every interest you could share with a person. From sense of humor, music, close, food, personalities, and intimacy there was a deep connection. Physically, when their eyes connected there was a deep connection, every time, even after they had been dating a while. When he told me he thought their communication was perfect either in person, text, or on the phone, my response was, “OK great, what can I help you with? It seems like you have what you’re looking for and everything that many people will never experience.” His response, was he didn’t feel like he was ready.
What a sobering reminder that you have to be ready for a great connection. So before you decide you want to put the emotional effort into developing a deeper connection with a person, make sure that you’re ready for everything that comes with it. While having a deep connection is certainly essential to having a long lasting relationship and part of the foundation, you need more than a connection. So be prepared for everything else that comes with having a great connection.
Deep Connections Can Cause Deep Pain.
While it certainly seems like I’m prepping you with some disclaimers of creating deep connection, I’ll use the same client above for the example. While he shared an incredibly deep connection with his partner, he wasn’t ready for that connection. He wasn’t prepared for everything that came with the connection, a relationship, commitment, love, etc. Unfortunately because he wasn’t ready for a deep connection, when he and his partner decided to take some time apart, it created the same deepness in pain. Imagine you dig a hole. You have one hole that is a few inches deep, and one that is a few feet deep. It rains and both holes fill up. Your job is to get the water out of the holes, with a spoon. It will take much longer to get the water out of the deeper hole. That’s the same with a deep connection. The deeper the connection, the deeper the pain can be. So as stated above, make sure you’re ready for the connection that is being developed.
You Won’t Connect With Everyone.
I think this goes without saying, but I thought I might touch on it for a moment. While I certainly believe that everyone has a shot at just about anyone, you can’t manufacture chemistry. You can put yourself in the best position to have the best chance at creating something, but if the natural chemistry isn’t there initially then you certainly have an uphill battle ahead of you. I hear all the time of people that are happily together, and in their stories, they say they knew each other for a while and they weren’t even on each others radar. Then one day boom. I also hear the same amount of ladies and men alike, that can’t get out of the friendzone no matter what they do. So just be prepared that you may not connect, no matter what you do, and that’s OK. It just means you haven’t met your person yet.
The Value Of A True Connection.
Connections like the one described by the gentleman above are somewhat rare and usually what people aspire to have. Some couples that have been married for years never develop a true emotional connection. Having a true connection can certainly enhance any relationship, but understanding and appreciating the value of that connection is as important as the connection itself. A true connection is like having two unicorns in your backyard. Even stars, as bright as they are, fade over time. If you have a true connection, realize you have a true connection with someone, value it, nurture it, maintain it, because if you don’t it will fade over time, and you might not get the chance to have a true connection again.
How To Develop A Connection.
So you’ve read everything above and you’re ready to develop a deeper connection with your partner, or with someone new. Here are some tips that can get you headed in the right direction.
- Eye contact is key. If you create good solid eye contact with a person, it let’s them know that they are the only thing that matters. Good eye contact and smiles are contagious.
- Be just the right amount of affectionate. This might take some time to figure out, but it’s better that you figure out on your own than ask. Find natural ways to be affectionate. Whether it be a gentle touch and smile on the cheek or a slow touch on a hand, find ways to affectionately connect (lightly).
- Ask questions and listen to the answers. Nothing shows you want to get closer to a person than asking questions about the person. But you can’t just ask questions, you need to listen to responses and even ask questions about the answers they gave you. Ask what they like, and then why they like it, Go deeper, lightly , it’s not an interrogation.
- Don’t be a comedian if you aren’t. Nothing is more awkward than trying to make someone laugh and not being funny. A sense of humor comes naturally to most people. But if you tell to many jokes, especially bombs, it could be tough to take you serious.
- Find your shared interests and expand on them. If you establish the similarities or shared interests off the bat, then it will stand out later when they are thinking, “what do we have in common’? So establish it early so they don’t question it later.
- Keep it light. Have fun, and keep it light. You might be strung up tight like a ball of rubber bands, but don’t show it. Keep it light and enjoy your time together.
- Be Yourself. Whatever you do, no matter how bad you want to develop a connection, you have to be yourself. If you have read the above information, you know that if you don’t, it won’t end up well for you. Why put on a façade and make the person develop a connection with a person that isn’t you. So be confident in yourself, and be you.
- Don’t be critical or judgy. Nothing could be more of a buzzkill than someone opening up to you and then them feeling like you are critical and judgemental. You run the high risk of them not opening up again.
Things to remember – Everything will be ok.
Developing a connection takes time, it surely doesn’t happen overnight. Be patient because, if it is real and it’s right, everything will be ok.
Stay focused on you. Continue to shine and everyone will notice. If you get yourself together, you are closer to finding the relationship that you want and deserve, no matter whether it’s with your ex or someone else. There is light at the end of the tunnel, we just don’t know who’s holding it. Remember there is someone for everyone, I see it every time I go to Walmart.
We hope this helped. If you have additional questions or other ideas on how to tackle this subject, please leave your feedback below.
Me and my boyfriend have been in a slump… Communication is pretty much dead. I desire a closer connection with him but he seems distant. When I try and approach him for affection, even sex he seems more annoyed than anything else. Do you think he’s over me? cheating? or just flat out taking need for granted???
Hi! being that I am back in the dating field after 4 years, this is really helpful. It’s always so awkward trying to find the right person when there’s a lot of fear in the way. Im awkward in general so this really helps! Thanks
In my opinion a deep connection with someone out weighs everything else. It’s the building block for trust which is essential for any relationship!
My relationship seems to be at a pause and oddly we share the same respect for each other still but everything else is declining. Reading this helped me understand some direction to get back what we have